Imagine this scenario.

As everyone in the office huddles around, it’s catch up time after the holiday. Larry discusses how big the turkey was during Christmas dinner. A few minutes in, your mind starts to wander: “Did I take out the trash?”, “While I was looking down the microscope, did that cell run off the slide?” Then suddenly, consciousness returns and everyone is looking at you, “Oh…uh…yes!” A wave of embarrassment hits you, but you find yourself drifting off again a few minutes later. This happens to all of us. However, there’s a common problem this phenomenon stems from. It’s a lack of personal investment that individuals are willing to have in conversations or life.

Are you paying attention?

The main thing is that people within a conversation or meeting tune out. They stop caring about what the other people are saying. Instead of stopping them to switch topics or to something more substantial, they listen half-heartedly with glazed eyes. This is tragic for both you and the people around you. Not only does it mean that we aren’t connecting with each other on a meaningful level, it means that we are uninterested in staying in the present. We aren’t paying attention anymore.

This is a larger problem now that we have cell phones. Have you ever been in a conversation and had one person whip out his/her cell phone? Although it seems acceptable, it is rude and unflattering. You are non-verbally telling the person, “You are not worth my time.”

Presence is crucial

You may think this is yet another elitist ranting about how technology is ruining things. However, hear me out…I swear it isn’t. The main point is that we miss out on many connections and opportunities because we aren’t present in the moment. When we are, devoting both our time and attention to someone, it’s noticed and appreciated. The conversation becomes much deeper than the surface level, “How about that weather?”

Have a big name in the field that you want to network with? You’re going to have to be present and show them you value their presence. This is vastly overlooked and has led to many lost connections. I guarantee that if you stay present in a conversation, meeting, etc., your impact and words will hold much greater weight. And as an added benefit, the potential for strong connection and networking increases dramatically.

A challenge and some tricks for staying present

It’s tempting to take out our phone whenever we’re bored. Instead, I offer a challenge. I suggest you try something different. Next time you’re waiting in line, observe the situation around you. How is the building decorated? Is music playing, if so what is it? Who are the people around me and what are they doing? Have a casual conversation with the people waiting around you, be curious about how they live. Basically, if you practice awareness and presence within your everyday life, staying present becomes easier.

When you’re transitioning to greater presence in conversations, there are a few tricks you can use. The first trick is to swap the topic of conversation into something both parties (i.e. you and the other person) are interested in and would find valuable. If you stay present in the conversation, you can catch whenever you or others start to glaze over. When you do this, you can pull them back into being present with you.

The second trick is used if they are discussing something that takes some time to get through. In these situations, focus on the feeling in your toes. Seriously. Whenever you feel like you’re drifting off, focus on the feeling in your toes for a few seconds. What’s going on down there? Is it hot or cold? By focusing on the feelings in your extremities, you can bring yourself back in the present by reminding you what is going on in the moment. It reminds you that you’re standing in space with other people. These tricks take practice, however they work extremely well to maintain the opportunity for connection.

Staying present is awesome

It may seem like this is superficial, but I assure you it isn’t. If you practice being present, not only are your networking and connection opportunities going to improve, you will also be happier. You will be more aware of life and what is going on around you. By becoming more present, you will appreciate the people around you and improve upon your own life.

The relationship between professors and students is important.  The development of strong relationships between professors and students may result in the accumulation of more knowledge, the achievement of a higher grade point average, and the promise of post-graduate support in the form of letters of recommendations or even job opportunities.

In short, developing strong relationships with your professors may enhance the graduate school experience making it fun, enjoyable, satisfying, and successful.

To build a strong relationship with your professors, it is useful to understand what many of them might expect of you as a student. College professors expect their students, especially their graduate students, to be independent, responsible, and trust-worthy adults. They expect them to do good work, participate in class, and take responsibility for their own actions and outcomes. While professors care about their students’ grades, they do not necessarily feel responsible for ensuring students achieve them—rather, professors place the onus on students to do all of the things they need to do to earn their academic success.

At the same time, professors want to be available to students to help them navigate the sometimes confusing and challenging world of graduate level academia. Most professors want their students to succeed, and are willing to do whatever they need to meet their students half-way. They typically work hard on preparing lectures, exams, and assignments, and they expect students to do their part by participating in class, studying hard, and completing their work on time and with integrity.

By knowing what many professors expect of their students, you can begin to take steps to develop strong relationships with your professors. The following is a list of five things to do to help you develop a strong relationship with each of your graduate school professors:

1. Be a good student in and out of the classroom.

Attend all of your classes, arrive on time, participate, and complete your work with discipline and integrity. Be kind, respectful, and considerate to your classmates and professors, even if you disagree with their opinions or don’t like them personally.

2. Make appointments to meet with your professors during their office hours within the first week of classes.

Prior to the meetings, read the syllabus for each class, make a list of questions, and develop some idea of what level of commitment you’re willing to give to each class. Then, during your appointments, introduce yourself, ask meaningful questions, and tell your professors what they can count on from you during the semester.

3. If you have specific needs, tell your professors within the first week of classes.

Let them know if you anticipate struggling with any of the material, if you have a learning disability, or if you have any special needs or requests. Also, if you know you will be missing any classes during the semester, let your professors know early on and plan on reminding them closer to the date(s) of absence(s). Once you have been absent, take responsibility for obtaining missed notes, assignments, and lectures.

4. At the beginning of each semester, thoroughly read the syllabus for each class.

Syllabi act as a contract between professors and students. Most professors devote a significant amount of time making their syllabi comprehensive, informative, and user-friendly so students are fully aware of the rules, guidelines, and regulations governing the class. Attention and adherence to the syllabus will promote a smooth, productive, and successful semester.

Take note of each professor’s attendance, grading, and participation policies and make sure you understand the materials, classwork, and homework required for each class. Throughout the semester, follow the syllabi’s coursework outlines and ask questions if you feel lost or confused. Syllabi, when used appropriately, allow you to take charge of your own learning.

5. Treat your professors as partners in your education rather than as people who are responsible for your success.

Actively engage in class and consistently complete your classwork, homework, and larger assignments on time and with integrity. Be prepared for classes, stay awake and alert during classes, and use your classes to develop a deeper understanding of the courses’ subjects. Also, treat your professors with kindness and respect by using class time to learn, taking positive advantage of your professors’ office hours, and utilizing resources made available to you.

By taking these five steps and acting as a responsible student, you will likely develop strong relationships with your professors. If taking these five steps fails, listen closely to your professors’ guidance and ask questions about how to best succeed in class. Most professors are committed to their students’ success and are willing to develop relationships with students who work hard and demonstrate a willingness to take responsibility for their education.

There are always things that students wish they had known before entering a program.

Graduate school is both an incredibly challenging and rewarding time in a person’s life. As with any challenge you take on, it’s wise to be prepared. Oftentimes, some of the best people to help you along the way are the ones who’ve already been through the process.

What is troubling, however, is how little information young adults know about what is involved in earning a graduate degree that can be expensive and a huge time commitment. No one should pursue a graduate degree without a lot of research and soul searching.

Here are some of the things you should know about grad school before you forge ahead:

1. Don’t be in a hurry

There’s rarely a good reason to go to grad school immediately after earning a bachelor’s degree, observes Andrew Roberts, an associate professor of political science at Northwestern University and the author of a fabulous book, The Thinking Student’s Guide to College: 75 Tips for Getting a Better Education. The book is primarily focused on undergrads, but it does contain advice on graduate school issues. Roberts says that it’s hard for students to know if grad school is the best option until they’ve been in the workforce for a while.

2. Don’t make grad school your default move

Students often enter grad schools without knowing much about the eventual careers to which a graduate degree could lead. The worst thing young adults can do is go to graduate school because they aren’t sure what else to do or they can’t find jobs. Grad school, after all, is often an extremely long commitment. A Ph.D., for example, can take six years.

3. Don’t expect to get a job as a professor

Even if you do survive grad school, the job market for Ph.D.’s in academia is lousy. Fabio Rojas, an associate professor of sociology at Indiana University, summed it up in one of the many blog posts that he’s written about graduate school life over the years at orgtheory.net.

Here’s one of Rojas’ observations:

The job search process is harrowing for academics…there is little guarantee that persons completing their terminal degree will land a job teaching and doing research in their area. At a top medical school, the question is if you will get the residency of your choice. At a top graduate program, it’s often doubtful that someone will be offered a job at all.

4. Life in the Ivory Tower can be a grind

Grad programs are hard work and require much more challenging coursework. Roberts notes in his book that “the course material now becomes, to a considerable extent, technical, insider reading—that is, dense, abtruse, jargon-filled works polished in academic journals and by university presses. …You will not be tempted to recommend your reading lists to friends outside your field.”

Fabio warns about “toxic” grad programs where departments provide no support for students and seem happy to pit students against each other. He describes the most common grad program as one guilty of “benign neglect.” A few good students get support from professors, but most don’t.

5. Ask intelligent questions

If none of this dissuades you, here are some questions that William Pannapacker, an associate English professor at Hope College, in a column in The Chronicle of Higher Education, suggested would-be graduate students ask before selecting a program:

1. What kind of financial support can a student expect to receive during the entire course of the program?
2. How much educational debt do graduates leave with?
3. How many discussion sections and courses are graduate students required to teach in order to receive a stipend each year?
4. What is the average annual teaching load for graduate students?
5. How many years does it typically take to graduate?
6. How long are graduates on the academic job market?
7. Where is every graduate employed in academe and in what positions: tenure track, visiting, adjunct?
8. Where are graduates working, if not in academia?
9. Does the program lead to appealing career paths outside of academe?
10. What percentage of students earn doctorates?
11. How many earn master’s degrees?
12. What reason do students drop out?